Signs That You Lack Emotional Intelligence

These are the behaviors that you want to eliminate from your repertoire.

When emotional intelligence (EQ) first appeared to the masses, it served as the missing link in a peculiar finding: people with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70 percent of the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into the broadly held assumption that IQ was the sole source of success.

Decades of research now point to emotional intelligence as being the critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. The connection is so strong that 90 percent of top performers have high emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is the “something” in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to achieve positive results.

Despite the significance of EQ, its intangible nature makes it very difficult to know how much you have and what you can do to improve if you’re lacking. 

1. You get stressed easily.

2. You have difficulty asserting yourself. 

3. You have a limited emotional vocabulary. 

4. You make assumptions quickly and defend them vehemently. 

5. You hold grudges. 

6. You don’t let go of mistakes. 

7. You often feel misunderstood. 

8. You don’t know your triggers. 

9. You don’t get angry. 

10. You blame other people for how they make you feel. 

11. You’re easily offended. 

Bringing It All Together

Unlike your IQ, your EQ is highly malleable. As you train your brain by repeatedly practicing new emotionally intelligent behaviors, it builds the pathways needed to make them into habits. As your brain reinforces the use of these new behaviors, the connections supporting old, destructive behaviors die off. Before long, you begin responding to your surroundings with emotional intelligence without even having to think about it.